Sun in Leo
Edited to change title from Moon in Leo to Sun in Leo. Blame Joni Mitchell. The entire month of July I had the opening lines to "Little Green" in my head: "Born with the moon in Cancer . . ."
You didn't think I could get bigger, did you? This is me last week. I'm now 39 weeks, two days, or six days from my due date. Based on my doctor's appointment yesterday, where I was told that things have progressed very nicely in the past week, and based on signals my body is giving me, I feel like this could happen really soon. But what do I know? It could be another week.
The thing is, I've decided I don't know how to wrap my mind around the idea that I'm going to have a baby. I really like my life. Sfrajett and I have a really cute apartment, we have lots of friends, we read a lot, we adore each other. Everything is peaceful and nice and perfect.
What are you supposed to do with your head when you know that any day now your life will change forever? But since it hasn't changed, and you can't understand that change unless you've experienced that change, and I'm still me, a totally happy, healthy, childless adult, only without the ability to bend at the waist, what do I do with today? I know, enjoy the quiet, sleep as much as I can, get last minute errands done. Okay: check, check, check. But apparently my list also contains: piss off friends for no very good reason, cry for no very good reason, pace the house, be scared shitless about the coming changes, read The Woman in White (why did it take me so long to get to this book?). Cry some more.
You didn't think I could get bigger, did you? This is me last week. I'm now 39 weeks, two days, or six days from my due date. Based on my doctor's appointment yesterday, where I was told that things have progressed very nicely in the past week, and based on signals my body is giving me, I feel like this could happen really soon. But what do I know? It could be another week.
The thing is, I've decided I don't know how to wrap my mind around the idea that I'm going to have a baby. I really like my life. Sfrajett and I have a really cute apartment, we have lots of friends, we read a lot, we adore each other. Everything is peaceful and nice and perfect.
What are you supposed to do with your head when you know that any day now your life will change forever? But since it hasn't changed, and you can't understand that change unless you've experienced that change, and I'm still me, a totally happy, healthy, childless adult, only without the ability to bend at the waist, what do I do with today? I know, enjoy the quiet, sleep as much as I can, get last minute errands done. Okay: check, check, check. But apparently my list also contains: piss off friends for no very good reason, cry for no very good reason, pace the house, be scared shitless about the coming changes, read The Woman in White (why did it take me so long to get to this book?). Cry some more.
posted by Margo, darling at 2:10 PM
7 Comments:
Wow, Margo -- that's some serious pregnancy you've got going on there. I'm glad Wilkie Collins (whom I also have not read) is there with you in your time of transition. I know life has been good, and life will be good with the baby, but they will be different goodnesses, and that will take some getting used to.
I highly recommend Collins. His narrative voice is fabulous--instantly gripping. I'm a huge Dickens fan, and I'm finding Collins more, ummm, modern, less affected (that can't be the right word, but Dickens often feels so fussy). As the back cover of my copy says, Gladstone stayed home from the theater to finish WIW. And if that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is.
Totally sending you lots of positive energy and a big hug. I cant wait to hear all about the lil one!! It will be here soon and I'm sure you will be just like all my hundereds of freinds with babies who go, really, how was it like without them? :)
i don't have anything to say about collins, but i will say that you look totally adorable in all your fully preggers glory! so, the next time you're crying for no reason, remember how beautiful you are, and how beautiful mrs. dalloway will be when she gets here!
oh my sweet girl. you are right to be terrified--life will be forever different. but oh my god, the intense, overwhelming, selfless love will wash over you instantly and it will all make sense.
sleep and have a romantic dinner with sfrajett. go to a movie (they are the first things to go). read the paper in bed.
Thanks for the lunch. You certainly didn't piss off this friend!--CD
To perch on the edge of the unknown, that's the most frustrating part of those last few weeks! The birth of your first child is beyond just about any other life change. For me it's always exciting to see other women at this moment -- and then just after. (the blackbird singing or just after...)
Because this is you we're talking about and we met in college I keep thinking about the hero's journey. You're headed into the belly of the beast! But you're well prepared and have magical helpers.
Enjoy the journey.
XOXO
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